Albert Pujols benched, replacement Mark Trumbo hits home run

The Los Angeles Angels gave Saturday night off to slumping slugger Albert Pujols, and his replacement responded by giving his team its first home run by a first baseman all season. It figures.

Considering the Angels still owe Pujols most of the $240 million contract he signed in the offseason, there’s no reason to think that Mark Trumbo will turn into another Lou Gehrig and Pujols will become a modern-day Wally Pipp, whom the Iron Horse famously replaced.

Still, Wally Pippujols has a certain ring to it.

And Scioscia must consider his one-night stand without Albert a success. The Angels beat the Toronto Blue Jays 6-2 behind nine strikeouts over eight innings from left-hander C.J. Wilson. Rookie outfielder Mike Trout had two hits, including a home run, and DH Kendrys Morales went 3 for 5 in the cleanup spot. Trumbo, who has been trying to convert to third base with very shaky results, added his fourth home run of the season, upping his batting average to .297. That’s pretty much how they drew it up in spring training — except for Pujols’ massive slump and the Angels having a record of 11-17.

Pujols said little after manager Mike Scioscia made out the Angels lineup card without Pujols in it for the first time this season. When approached by reporters before the game, the three-time NL MVP indicated he also was taking a night off from talking.

”Go ask the manager, not me, guys. I don’t make the lineup.”

Scioscia said he wanted to give Pujols, who is batting .194 with no home runs 27 games into his new life with the Angels, some time to clear his head:

”Sometimes you’re grinding, and nobody grinds harder than Albert,” Scioscia said. ”I think he’s frustrated just from the fact that he knows there’s a lot he feels that he can contribute. Sometimes when you’re trying to find something and you’re pounding your head against the wall, you need to just get off that treadmill for a second and get back on the next day.”

That means we should expect Pujols in the lineup Sunday. The same couldn’t be said for Pipp, who was victimized by a slump in 1925 at a time when the Yankees were failing as a team and manager Miller Huggins wanted to shake up the lineup. The ’25 Yankees finished 69-85, but Gehrig didn’t rest again for 14 years. Pipp was out of the game by 1929, but would become one of its most notorious anecdotes, footnotes and metaphors.

Pujols, who at 32 is the same age as Pipp was in 1925, isn’t going to finish his career the same way. Not only is he owed a large fortune, but he’s just a better player. He’s just in a slump. He’s pressing. Perhaps he’s not the player he used to be, but Pujols is no Pipp.

It’s not that Pujols is destined to come out today and hit three homers and go on a tear after getting a day off, though he might. But he’s going to get his, sooner or later.

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Linebacker decommits from Ohio State after disturbing encounter during his recruiting visit

Ohio State made news earlier this year after snagging some of the nation’s best recruits for its February signing class. Coach Urban Meyer and the Buckeyes were off to a similarly strong recruiting start this year, but one recruit’s encounter with a fan caused him to pull his commitment.

Alex Anzalone, one of the nation’s top linebacking recruits, committed to Ohio State last month, but decommitted Friday after learning he and several other recruits had unknowingly met a convicted sex offender.

During Anzalone’s visit to Columbus, Ohio on April 21, he and two other recruits posed for a picture with Charles Eric Waugh of Ashland, Ky., and the photo made its way to Twitter. Only later did Anzalone learn Waugh, 31, had pleaded guilty to five counts of possession of underage sexual content in 2008. Waugh has had several interactions with players and recruits both in person and through social media.

Anzalone called assistant coach Luke Fickell on Friday to let him know that because of that interaction, he would not be attending Ohio State.

“There’s a disconnect between what Alex thought was there (at Ohio State) and what is actually there,” said Anzalone’s father, Dr. Sal Anzalone, told the Reading (Pa.) Eagle on Friday.

“Something’s just not right at Ohio State. It’s not for him.”

Sal Anzalone doesn’t believe Meyer or his staff knew about Waugh or his past, but the fact that a convicted sex offender could get so close to student-athletes and recruits caused San Anzalone to fear for his son’s safety.

The university issued a statement Friday evening saying it alerted Ohio State’s student-athletes about Waugh’s past and claimed the university had no official dealing with him.

”The issue surrounding the individual from Kentucky is being treated by the Department of Athletics as a student-athlete welfare issue. When the University became aware that this individual had been seen in pictures – taken in public places – with student-athletes, proactive precautions were taken and the Department of Athletics alerted more than 1,000 Ohio State student-athletes about this person,” the statement said.

”The email message also reminded them of the negative implications that can be realized through simple associations on social networking sites. This individual is not associated with Ohio State. He is not a booster. He has not engaged in any activities on behalf of the University. The Department of Athletics will continue to monitor this issue and it will remain proactive in its efforts with regard to precautions for its student-athletes.”

Can’t blame Anzalone for his reaction especially since he hails from the state where former Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky is embroiled in one of the biggest sex scandals to ever affect the NCAA. Anzalone also told the Reading (Pa.) Eagle there was a personal reason behind his decision, but declined to get into specifics.

“I had to make a decision that’s best for me, and for my family,” Anzalone said. “There’s a reason behind it. I don’t want to get into it; I don’t want to hurt anyone.

“We’ve been talking about it for a week or so with my family. I need to re-evaluate things right now, slow everything down.”

Sal Anzalone said his family had been discussing his son’s commitment to Ohio State in light of the revelation about Waugh for several days. Sal Anzalone said the photo of Waugh and his son showed his son had been at risk during his recruiting visit and that was unacceptable.

Anzalone, who was being recruited by more than 20 schools, said all of those suitors are back in play. He had previously said Florida and Stanford were among his favorites as well as Southern Cal, Penn State and Notre Dame.

“You don’t want your son to go to a place where there’s a potential issue (like this),” Sal Anzalone said. “You expect the (football) staff to have some sort of control on how things are handled with recruits when they visit. This is ridiculous.

“I was concerned with what recruits do and with them being allowed to visit these kind of places where it puts kids at risk. That’s the issue. You entrust people (at the school) to do the right thing.”

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Behind the Box Score, where the Denver Nuggets struck back behind Ty Lawson

Denver Nuggets 99, Los Angeles Lakers 84 (Los Angeles leads series, 2-1)

The Denver Nuggets won the game. The Los Angeles Lakers lost the comeback.

The Nuggies took a game in this series by racing out to a massive early advantage, utilizing Ty Lawson’s speed and finishing ability to put the Lakers on their heels almost immediately. Lawson ended Game 2′s loss against Los Angeles on a high note, putting up 17 points in the game’s second half. He dashed toward 13 in the first quarter on Friday even though the Lakers should have known what was coming.

Los Angeles responded, though, with ball movement and talking on defense. By halftime, things were respectable despite Denver’s 11 point lead and Andrew Bynum’s lethargic play on offense (he was a ball stopper) and defense (where he was useless in pick-and-roll defense). The Lakers added to the comeback by outscoring Denver by nine in the third quarter, as Bynum (who finished with 18 points, 12 rebounds and two blocks) woke up on both ends. Bynum even had to be restrained from going at referee Danny Crawford after a blown goaltend call when second star of the game,  Javale McGee, swatted Bynum’s hook away.

McGee was … McGee was fun, as usual. He made a couple of silly plays on both ends of the court, but he also utilized a spin move, an up-and-under lay-in, and a running hook alongside the usual athletic feats to score 16 points off the bench in the win. He had 15 rebounds (in 28 minutes, mind you) with two assists, three blocks (er, “two,” Bynum and I suppose) and two steals.

He was probably the game-changer. It’s May 5th, by now, and Javale McGee just changed a game in a good way. Everyone drink.

Lawson was the real star, though, adding 12 points to his first quarter totals to finish with 25 overall, including seven assists to zero turnovers in 38 end-to-end minutes. His spark in the beginning of the contest helped ensure that a potentially-nervous Nugget team (and crowd) could secure some momentum; and with 42 combined points over his last six quarters of play, he’s clearly become a problem for the Lakers.

The Lakers, as they usually are in losses, were a problem for the Lakers. The team ranked 26 out of 30 NBA teams in 3-point percentage this season, yet the squad took 25 of those bad boys, making six. The apologist in you says the team needed to chuck as many because of Denver’s early lead, but that jerk would forget that the Lakers got the lead all the way down to five points based on interior play, smart decisions and ball movement. It was only when the Lakers took all those long shots that things fell apart and the Nuggets were able to run.

Kobe Bryant, who didn’t score for the final quarter and a half (save for a gorgeous layup with seconds left in the fourth) of what was a winnable game, was particularly egregious in shooting 3-of-10 on long bombs; and that’s frustrating because he knows better. His teammates weren’t helping, though. Bynum was terrible in the first half, Ramon Sessions struggled on both ends, Steve Blake made some bad decisions and the Lakers whiffed on a good chance to put the Nuggets up against the wall.

***

Philadelphia 76ers 79, Chicago Bulls 74 (Philadelphia leads series, 2-1)

In a season filled with masterful work on the fly to make up for myriad Chicago injuries, Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau invited further criticism for his decision-making for his work during Chicago’s loss to the 76ers on Friday night.

Following a scary ankle injury to Joakim Noah, the re-taped Chicago center pleaded with Thibodeau to make a re-entrance into the game as the squad started to lose a bit of its double-digit lead in the fourth quarter. Thibodeau relented, though Noah was clearly in massive amounts of pain, and the Bulls played poorly in the couple of minutes Noah returned. Thibs pulled the quick hook, but not before it was apparent that he should have given a stern “no” to his center.

Thibodeau’s play-calling left a lot to be desired as the Bulls featured a litany of isolation or screen-and-roll basketball that the Sixers happily loaded up on. John Lucas, who needed 12 shots to score 12 points only because his late, desperate 3-pointer splashed in, was particularly poor. The result was an ugly 14-point fourth quarter for Chicago as Philly pulled out a needed win.

The 76ers earned this win. They are the better team and the squad routinely hit tough shots in the fourth quarter after missing those same ones in an ugly 11-point third quarter. Evan Turner (16 points) did well to create his own shots and chances at the free-throw line, Spencer Hawes finished well once Noah (clearly a nemesis of sorts, dating back to the 2007 NBA draft) left the contest, and Andre Iguodala’s defense was so good that it made up for the fact that he didn’t make a single field goal in this slugfest.

Whatever the diagnosis (Noah left the stadium on crutches, wearing an air cast to support the ankle and lower leg), Thibodeau deserves criticism. Playing Derrick Rose while the team was up 12 with 90 seconds left in the contest during last week’s Game 1 was passable, but this marks the second time in two postseasons that Thibodeau has re-entered a player that clearly should not have been on the court following an injury — as was the case for Omer Asik’s broken femur last spring. Why Noah also entered during what was a productive run from Asik and Taj Gibson (whose absence down the stretch was either a poor coaching move or a response to Gibson’s own fourth-quarter injury) boggles as well.

I’ve defended Thibodeau quite a bit in these pages, and a loss in this series would not be the fault of a Bulls coaching staff working with a Rose-less team, but he needed to say “no.”

***

Boston Celtics 94, Atlanta Hawks 90 (OT) (Boston leads series, 2-1)

An ugly but very exciting game that featured Rajon Rondo coming through with yet another triple-double, shockingly on national TV in an overtime game that featured the Boston point guard dominating the rock for heavy minutes. My man knows what he’s doing.

In a return from a one-game suspension for bumping referee Marc Davis in Game 1 on Sunday night, Rondo appeared to have the liveliest legs of anyone on either team, which makes sense in a game that didn’t not feature Atlanta’s Josh Smith (thankfully not attempting to play through a sprained patella tendon), and a whole host of players that were drafted a long, long time ago.

Tracy McGrady and Paul Pierce, stars of decades-old All-Star games, were the best players on the court in the first half. A second quarter sprained ankle from T-Mac limited his effectiveness in the second half, but his double-figure output in the first half was needed by a Hawks team that was struggling to score. Erick Dampier, who was once traded for Chris Mullin, nearly played half the game. At this point, 37-year old Jerry Stackhouse (DNP-Old) has to be wondering what he has to do to get some run.

Boston smartly hung in there. Kevin Garnett was all over the place — opportunistic off of broken plays, finishing with 20 points, 13 rebounds and four blocks in the win. Paul Pierce made up for a miserable shooting night (including clanging his go-to game-winning jumper at the end of regulation) by busting his tail and getting to the line 14 times, making all 14 free throws on his way to 21 points. It was just smart, heady play by guys who need all they can get to make it to that buzzer.

And Rondo … what can you say? He didn’t shoot well, missing 15 of 22 shots, and he turned the ball over six times. But those six times came in nearly 49 minutes of having the ball in his hands, and being forced to take chances. Those missed shots, especially one toward the end of overtime that Kevin Garnett tip-dunked in, lead to chances for Boston to recover, even if this is one of the worst offensive rebounding teams in the NBA. The Celtics badly need someone to stir that drink, efficiency stats be damned, and Rondo was that guy again.

Game 4 is on Sunday, and with little time for Josh Smith to recover, this looks like a tough road ahead for Atlanta. Still, they can play with these guys. Boston struggles so much offensively that Atlanta can’t get down. There’s a very good chance that this series could head back to Atlanta for two of the three games next week, tied at 2-2.

Hawks point guard Jeff Teague will have to figure out a way to make Rondo’s life pretty uncomfortable, though. No easy task.

DeAndre Jordan throws down the alley-oop over Tony Allen (VIDEO)

As our Kelly Dwyer noted, Wednesday night’s slate of games was not so great. The greatness of the NBA postseason, though, is that even a set of stinkers can come through with the sort of play that makes fans jump out of their seats and maybe for five seconds consider watching the new TBS sitcom “Men at Work.”

So, with that in mind, we introduce this pretty amazing alley-oop from Game 2 between the Memphis Grizzlies and Los Angeles Clippers, in which Clips’ star point guard Chris Paul dices up the Grizz defense, hits DeAndre Jordan on the run with an alley-oop, and watches Jordan dunk all over Tony Allen. There are all kinds of amazing things in this play, from CP3′s masterful inside-out dribble to Jordan’s insane combination of length, athleticism and power.

The Clippers lost the game 105-98, of course, and now head back to L.A. with a 1-1 split. And while the series is still very much up in the air, what’s become astonishingly clear over these first two games is that this is the sort of first-round contest worth watching in depth. Unlike the somehow-more-competitive Dallas/Oklahoma City series, neither team is likely to make the NBA Finals. But in each game, we’re likely to see — if not a comeback on the order of Game 1′s historic events — some supremely athletic plays, intense physicality down low, and great skill. These are two fun teams with much to prove. Tune in, because it’s playoff basketball sure to please any kind of fan.

(Video via EOB)

Behind the Box Score, where the Clippers and Grizzlies nearly salvaged a terrible night of hoops

Memphis Grizzlies 105, Los Angeles Clippers 98 (series tied, 1-1)

After a miserable night of basketball that saw the Pacers and Spurs win by a combined 54 points, a reasonably competitive Clippers-Grizzlies contest was a needed tonic — but hardly much to behold. It was sometimes fun to watch as Tony Allen and Zach Randolph worked their way back to respective health, and Chris Paul featured his typically pugnacious ways, but the back-and-forth never truly delivered.

You think Memphis cares? The Grizzlies hung in this one quite well, forcing 20 Clippers turnovers and essentially beating Los Angeles to every crease, or every either-way call. Paul was fantastic for most of the game, totaling 29 points on 17 shots (our man hit 4 of 6 threes) with five steals. He also turned the ball over five times to just six assists, and it was O.J. Mayo that absolutely hounded CP3 into oblivion.

Relatively speaking, of course. Chris Paul, for the most part, was still Chris Paul.

But kudos to Mayo — “Eric Bledsoe didn’t do a good job of keeping him out of the lane,” said the typically teammate-gracious Chris Paul following the Clipper loss — who matched that sterling defense with 20 points of his own. Marreese Speights had 11 points off the Memphis pine as well. And though the depleted Clippers bench tossed out Nick Young and Mo Williams dropping 11 points apiece, those two were terrible defensively in this loss — on and off the ball.

Inspiring, but unsurprising for the Grizzlies? Rudy Gay finished broken play after broken play with those in-between shots. He went 9 for 13 and scored 21 points for Gay.

If the Clippers think a hometown crowd is going to push them over the edge as the series moves to Los Angeles, they’re in for a rude surprise. Nothing against El Lay or Clippers fans, but this is the sort of series where these things just do not matter.

***

San Antonio Spurs 114, Utah Jazz 83 (San Antonio leads series, 2-0)

It’s one of those nights where nothing seems to go right.

Where you think you’ve finally caught up, but you forgot about [insert Spurs trailer here, because every one of them seemed to get an easy bucket] streaking. I don’t know if it was the early start, one that saw the Jazz playing at five in the evening Utah-time, or if I should relay the obvious joke about how the ancient Spurs are well versed in enjoying an early dinner.  In the playoffs, though? I don’t want to try to make a point that tells you the Jazz weren’t ready for this game, or that they weren’t enthused. They … they just got their asses kicked.

All the highlights will show are those extra Spurs passes and streaking finishes, but it was the out-of-nowhere defense from San Antonio — a team that atypically was just ahead of the middle of the pack in terms of defensive efficiency this season — that made life hellish for a Jazz team that seemed to be down 30 by the time the sun went down over the east coast of the country. In what seemed reminiscent of San Antonio’s ability to force teams into low-percentage mid- and long-range 2-pointers half a decade ago, the Spurs seemed intent on forcing the Jazz to try and finish a foot or four away from the rim. And the Jazz clearly were out of luck in that regard. Whether or not this will sustain for the next game or rest of the series (presuming the referees let it continue past this round) is up for debate, but on Wednesday the Jazz could not buy one.

Let’s not dismiss the Spurs offense, while we’re fawning. The Spurs made 10 of 22 3-pointers, and the 28 assists on 47 field goals actually feels like the sort of stat you’d expect from a road scoring crew, and not San Antonio’s home cooking. Maybe it was the head swivel, between this contest and the Orlando Magic-Indiana Pacers tilt, but it just appeared as if some Spur was leaning in for a layup every time your eyes dashed over, and usually off a great dish.

Credit San Antonio for its quick decision making and willingness to try to put this away early, but sometimes you’ll get a malaise game at the strangest time. It’s certain the Spurs are both more talented than the Jazz, and that they match up quite well with Utah (this is, by far, the worst matchup for Tyrone Corbin’s crew). But this also was an unrepresentative 48 minutes.

San Antonio is this good. The Jazz aren’t that bad, and while the Spurs are more than capable of making even playoff teams look “that bad,” I just don’t feel like this was the case on Wednesday.

The Jazz, of course, have just two more games to prove me wrong.

***

Indiana Pacers 97, Orlando Magic 74 (Indiana leads series, 2-1)

This slogfest actually featured a comeback, an honest-to-goodness run from the Magic to keep things interesting once the Pacers decided to stop forcing Orlando into driving all the way to the hoop. For a few minutes there, late in the first half, it appeared as if the Pacers would be letting the Magic all the way back into Game 2 by playing the typical percentages.

Usually, you want these Magic to eschew the interior flush or long-range bomb, but this is a different team than you’re used to. This is a squad working without Dwight Howard and, apparently, Ryan Anderson (16 points on 31 percent shooting and 14 rebounds in two postseason games after averaging around 16 points and eight rebounds in the regular season). Without those two in place, this is a squad that is left to a litany of long twos, a shot that few teams successfully win games with.

Early on, though, the Magic made the long twos. Even Glen Davis. And they made a game out of it. And with an hour and a half to go before the Grizzlies and Clippers tipped off, we were excited about things for a spell. Until the Pacers realized the Magic really can’t score on the interior any more, and that they are more than capable of covering all Orlando angles when the team was left up a creek without its All-Star in Howard and near-All-Star in Anderson. And their respective paddles, I suppose, if you really want me to follow through on this.

The Pacers eventually prevailed by taking advantage of delayed transition buckets — getting out on the break, surveying the matchups, making the extra pass and letting the team’s scorers finish. Nothing that was whippet-quick, and there was no exacting half-court brilliance, just enough timely scores to outscore the Magic by 15 at home and pull away. Danny Granger was ahead of the pack, hitting five threes in nine tries, and he was a needed finishing touch in a game that seemed to feature a whole heck of a lot of finishing touches that you never thought would be appearing in an important playoff game.

Orlando’s starting frontcourt rebounded the ball six times on Wednesday, by the way. In a game with 96 combined field-goal and free-throw misses to go around.

There will be different games on Thursday. We promise.

Brandon Jennings has a Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles tattoo

On average, NBA players have lots of tattoos. It’s part of the culture, for one thing, but also an opportunity for players to bring attention to people or places that have played a central role in getting them to where they are. Think Stephon Marbury’s “Coney Island’s Finest” ink or Kevin Durant’s large show of support for his home state of Maryland.

Milwaukee Bucks guard Brandon Jennings is from Compton in Los Angeles, and he has many tats that pay tribute to his hometown. One, though, stands out more than others: a chicken-emblazoned waffle on his left forearm in honor of the legendary Roscoe’s House of Chicken and Waffles. Jennings recently posted a photo of it to his Instagram account, and you can check it out above (via Stiletto Jill).

[Related: Nets reveal new logo, designed by rapper Jay-Z]

On the face of it, it’s a little ridiculous for someone to put a tattoo of a waffle on his arm. But it makes perfect sense if you’ve ever been to Roscoe’s, or really just know about it’s status as a landmark. Anyone from the area speaks of it in reverential tones. In reality, a Roscoe’s tat for a Compton native is about as normal as a Philadelphian getting ink of the Liberty Bell.

Of course, Jennings’ Roscoe’s love doesn’t stop here — over the weekend, he also tweeted a photo of his special Roscoe’s basketball shoes. Yet even that isn’t especially crazy. Honestly, it might seem perfectly normal until he shows up to a game in a chicken suit. Which, at this rate, might eventually happen.

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Eulogy: Remembering the 2011-12 Florida Panthers

(Ed. Note: As the Stanley Cup Playoffs continue, we’re bound to lose some friends along the journey. We’ve asked for these losers, gone but not forgotten, to be eulogized by the people who knew the teams best: The fans who hated them the most. This is a special edition, as Rudy Kelly from Battle of California requested the 2011-12 Florida Panthers and, well, we like Rudy Kelly. Again, this was not written by us. Also: This is a roast and you will be offended by it, so don’t take it so seriously.)

By Rudy Kelly

I know what you’re thinking: “Rudy, you’re very attractive.”

Yes, I know, and thank you. But once you get over my beauty, you’re probably wondering why I, the world’s most handsome LA Kings blogger, am writing the eulogy for the Florida Panthers. I mean, why would I care about the Florida Panthers? Why would anyone? They’re completely, utterly irrelevant. They’re the Justin Guarini of NHL franchises. To hate them, you’d have to both be completely overflowing with hate and have a ton of free time on your hands.

Luckily for you all, I’m just that man.

But seriously, I hate the Panthers. Here’s why …

They Suck

Make no mistake: the Panthers are a crappy hockey team. They somehow managed to finish 3rd this season but that seemed less a testament to their scrappiness and more definitive proof that the cosmos hates the Washington Capitals.

The Panthers suck. Jose Theodore sucks. Brian Campbell sucks. Tomas Fleischmann… I don’t even know who that is but I’m sure he sucks too. Whole big pile of suck over there.

Their goal differential is terrible; they finished worse than the Colorado Avalanche, Dallas Stars and Winnipeg Jets. Their even-strength goal differential is even worse; worse than the Anaheim Ducks and barely better the Toronto Maple Leafs, which is just incredibly sad.

I mean, where is this team going to go? They have Dimitri Kulikov, who rules, and Jacob Markstrom, who will likely rule in the future, and then they have a hodgepodge of mediocre talent. They’re a Frankenstein’s monster of a team and they’re built to finish in 9th place for the foreseeable future.

I mean c’mon, they couldn’t even beat the Devils.

They’re Tools of the Mouse Lobby

For years, rats have been unfairly maligned as disgusting creatures.

They start one teeny tiny plague and all of a sudden they’re the jerk, while mice get away scot free. From Mortimer Mouse (it says mouse in his name but he’s clearly given stereotypical rat features) to Templeton to Rizzo the Rat to Professor Ratigan, rats have constantly been maligned while mice (Mickey, Timothy Q. Mouse, Gus Gus) have been glorified.

To this day rats are vilified; they’re even compared to Steve Ott. Humiliating!

Did you know that rats used to be seen as bringers of good luck by ancient civilizations? Did you know that they can detect tuberculosis? Did you know that they’re trained to find friggin’ land mines? Yeah, I wonder why no one makes a cartoon about that.

The Panthers perpetuate this blatant smear job, celebrating the murder of a rat at the hands of that thug Scott Mellanby by throwing plastic rats onto the ice. Not only are they remembering death, they’re glorifying it! It’s just another cog in the brutal mouse propaganda machine.

And just to tie it all together: who is the biggest perpetrator in the war against rats? Who’s making all these films with rat villains? And who is one of the biggest property owners in Florida?

That’s right: Disney. The signs are all there, people!

(It should be noted that Pixar courageously bucked the Disney machine and made Ratatouille to expose Disney’s lies. They’re true friends of the rat.)

They’re in Florida

As a Californian, I rule. We’re like a billion times better than the rest of the country, we’re far prettier, and our farts smell of spring time and strawberries. But ignorant East Coasters, unwilling to accept how inferior and pale they are, always resort to propping up Florida as their champion. I mean, it has beaches, right? It has theme parks. Surely Florida’s cool, right?

Nope.

Florida looks like someone had God draw California with his eyes closed. Like he thought he was doing a good job but then he opened his eyes and realized the ocean is too shallow and everyone’s eating Cuban food instead of Mexican food and OH GOD WHAT IS THAT UHHHH I’LL JUST CALL IT A SWAMP.

A personal anecdote: I visited Florida maybe 10 years ago and every beach I went to had this terrible coarse sand. I couldn’t even lie on it without harming my delicate California skin.

Finally, on the day before I left, I found a beach that had beautiful white sand stretching as far as the eye could see. I frolicked all day and ran my fingers through the glorious earth. As I was leaving, I saw a small sign near the entrance to the beach; the sign said, “Sand imported from California.”

Where I live is better than where you vacation, is what I’m trying to say.

I’m Incredibly Petty

Back in December, the Kings and the Panthers played. The Panthers ambushed a weary Kings team and outshot them, 42-26; even worse, Mike Richards was concussed in what has to be the most blatant headshot involving a Florida Panthers player I’ve ever seen. Anyway, the Kings managed to gut out a win and Panthers coach was a big baby about it:

“We thoroughly outplayed them,” Panthers coach Kevin Dineen said. “They were trying to run around and chase us and hack us and slash us. When you are getting outplayed as badly as they were, that’s the response. We walk out of here feeling very good about the way we played.”

Oh really, Kevin Dineen? How are you feeling now? The Kings made the 2nd round and your Ciaran Hinds-looking ass is sitting at home. What do you think of that?! Eat it, Dineen! EAT IT!!! HACK THIS YOU (long stream of expletives deleted)!!!!”

*Ahem

So there you have it, folks. I know we all only have so much hate in our hearts and we’re focusing it all on the Vancouver Canucks and black people if you’re from Boston, but save a small piece of your hate for the Panthers. They truly do deserve it.

Plus, you’ll be in on the ground floor of gloating when they miss the playoffs next season.

Previously on the 2011-12 Puck Daddy Eulogies …

Eulogy: Remembering the 2011-12 Detroit Red Wings
Eulogy: Remembering the 2011-12 San Jose Sharks
Eulogy: Remembering the 2011-12 Pittsburgh Penguins
Eulogy: Remembering the 2011-12 Vancouver Canucks
Eulogy: Remembering the 2011-12 Chicago Blackhawks
Eulogy: Remembering the 2011-12 Boston Bruins
Eulogy: Remembering the 2011-12 Ottawa Senators
Eulogy: Remembering the 2011-12 Florida Panthers

CBS doesn’t show viewers final seconds of Kansas-Ohio State game

Fans watching the thrilling Kansas-Ohio State Final Four game missed the final 2.8 seconds of the game because CBS Sports cameras were showing a replay instead of the game-ending inbound play that sealed Kansas’ victory.

Ohio State’s Aaron Craft had just been called for a lane violation after intentionally missing a free throw with 2.8 seconds remaining in the game. While CBS was showing the replay of Craft’s overenthusiastic charge toward the basket, Kansas was inbounding the ball to run off the final seconds of the game. Kansas was clinging to a two-point lead and Ohio State was out of timeouts, so the game would end if the Jayhawks could run out the clock.

That’s exactly what happened, but viewers watching live on CBS didn’t see it:

CBS was busy showing the Craft replay and failed to realize that there wouldn’t be any lag between the violation and inbound. As such, viewers missed almost two seconds of game play and when cameras finally caught up with the game, 1.7 seconds later, there was little more than one second left and the game was essentially over. It was completely confusing for all fans.

They weren’t the only ones baffled. Ohio State players didn’t understand that the inbounds would come so quickly after Craft’s miss. Indeed, they look as surprised when the ball was put in play as the CBS cameras. Miscommunication in the truck and a lack of anticipation of a quick inbound are what did in CBS and forced fans to miss out on the anticlimactic end of one of the best Final Four games in recent memory.

Not that the replay being shown instead of the live play wasn’t important. Craft’s lane violation was a crucial error that sealed the game for Kansas.

“I knew we needed to miss it,” Craft told reporters after the game. “I figured that would be the easiest way for us to get the ball back instead of just trying to miss it a different way. I stepped over the line early, apparently. But that’s not what lost us the game. He made the call, it was probably the right one, and I should have had more patience on the line.”

[ Pat Forde: John Calipari gets shot at redemption against Bill Self ]

It was the right call and an unfortunate example of a player knowing the rule, trying to exploit it but not executing it well enough to succeed. Applaud Craft’s effort and moxie. His bold move was Ohio State’s best shot of winning.

As for CBS, they get no such praise in failure. The network fell victim to the increasing Scorsese-ization of televised sports. Instead of showing a game with normal camera angles, directors are increasingly trying to use their dozens of different perspectives to show the game in a different way. This is why we get disorienting sky-cam shots during the game and obscured views of baseline cams while free throws are being shot. It’s why networks cut to cheering fans after a made basket instead of showing the opponent start the break.

Replays are great but not at the expense of the game. Too often, directors try to tell a story through replays and different camera angles when the best move would be to show the game the way it’s always been shown: The elevated mid-court camera that’s been in use for 50 years. It’s the best angle. Use it and don’t cut from it.When you do, directors choose to try to tell a story of the game rather than showing the game itself. And that’s how you end up with debacles like CBS had on Saturday night.

[ Video: Did Ohio State blow it or did Kansas just have more magic? ]

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Carl Pavano targeted by extortion plot

This isn’t the type of story you usually see about an opening day starter, but a Connecticut newspaper reports that Minnesota Twins pitcher Carl Pavano has been targeted by an extortion plot.

According to the paper, an old high school classmate of Pavano’s used social media to contact the pitcher’s sister and threaten to expose a same-sex relationship he said the pair had while in high school.

From the Meridien Record-Journal:

In the affidavit, Pavano’s sister, Michelle DeGennaro, said Christian Bedard, 36, of Southington, was “attempting to extort monetary funds for his fabricated, false information” and that he believes he can hold the Pavano family “hostage” with the information.

“The only way your brother is getting out of this… is with a heart-felt apology and a navy Range Rover with tan leather,” Bedard said in one message to DeGennaro.

First rule of blackmailing: Be specific on which trim and option package you want.

Bedard has yet to be charged with any crime, but a search warrant was executed to take a laptop and journal from his home. Possible charges, if pursued, could include larceny and harassment.

There’s not too much else to say about this one until the investigation develops or Pavano comments on the matter. You really wonder, though, how often MLB’s security department handles cases like these without anyone knowing. Between a ballplayer’s visibility and their outsized paychecks, they’re always a prime target for opportunists.

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Eric Gordon may be coming back to play for the Hornets soon

For the New Orleans Hornets, there’s nothing but pride left to play for this season. Coach Monty Williams’ team stands at 12-37, the second-worst record in the NBA, having lost seven of its last 10 and 14 of its last 20 with a 29th-ranked offense that has averaged less than a point per possession on the year. With a month left in the regular season and no chance at a playoff berth, it would be perfectly understandable if the Hornets just closed up shop, played out the string and rolled up as many losses as possible to keep their ping-pong-ball count high.

So, naturally, they’re expected to bring back long-lost guard Eric Gordon, who was expected to be the team’s offensive centerpiece before missing all but two games with a right knee injury, to give the team a shot in the arm for the stretch run. Wait, what?

Word of Gordon’s possible return started to spread Monday after Monty Williams said the injured shooting guard “could be back on the floor in ‘five days to a week,’” according to Hornets.com’s Jim Eichenhofer. The talk solidified Tuesday, when Gordon was slated to go through a full practice that Jimmy Smith of the New Orleans Times-Picayune called the “final step in [Gordon's] rehabilitation process” after undergoing arthroscopic knee surgery on Valentine’s Day:

“I didn’t do anything for about 2 1/2, almost three weeks,” Gordon said. “Next thing you know, I started lifting on it, and then started running [...] I’ve had no problems cutting, jumping, and now it’s just all about having that comfort level and being ready for contact.”

I’m sure Hornets fans would have liked to see Gordon back on the floor a lot sooner, especially as they’ve watched the team sink to the very bottom of the Western Conference and struggle mightily to score points, but you can’t really blame Gordon for wanting to feel as comfortable as possible and get as close as he can to certainty that he’s ready for contact. Remember, back when this injury-plagued season started, Gordon’s right knee issues were characterized as soreness; later, after missing four of the Hornets’ first five games and aggravating the injury in a Jan. 4, 2012, affair against the Philadelphia 76ers, it was said that he had a “bone bruise.”

For the next six weeks, he sat with that “bone bruise,” which wound up being a phenomenal misdiagnosis of a more significant knee problem requiring a procedure to remove cartilage and clean out debris that would necessitate nearly two months of rehab. So, yeah — taking your time and doing it right this time around makes an awful lot of sense, especially when you’re a 23-year-old who’s just undergone his first surgery and is staring down restricted free agency this summer.

Of course, he didn’t have to have that last bit of uncertainty hanging over his head. Gordon’s facing RFA status because he declined to sign a four-year, $50 million extension with New Orleans back in January, thinking he could find something more lucrative and more in line with the big-money deals fellow 2008 draftees Russell Westbrook and Kevin Love got from the Oklahoma City Thunder and Minnesota Timberwolves, respectively, earlier this season.

Hindsight being 20/20, it’s easy now to view at Gordon’s decision as pound-foolish, especially after he’s missed 47 games and fans seem to have no recollection of how good he actually is — as proof, check out the baffled public reaction to his new Champs Sports/adidas commercial. He actually is really good, though; now, he’s got to prove it.

Coming off the first serious knee injury of his career, Gordon must show that he can still be the same explosive scorer who averaged 21.3 points per 36 minutes as a 22-year-old. He has to show that he can still space defenses with a sharp 3-point stroke and take advantage of reckless closeouts to make bowling-ball drives to the rim, and that he remains the kind of in-traffic finisher who can give good bigs fits by both taking and delivering punishment at the basket.

He’s got to get out on the floor if he wants to spark bidding interest for his services this offseason — not only from the 29 other teams in the NBA, but from the Hornets themselves; as coach Williams told the Times-Picayune’s Smith the team would “need more than 10 or 12 games to get a good look at somebody” who’d require “the kind of investment [the Hornets are] talking about making” in Gordon. (Including Wednesday night’s meeting with the Golden State Warriors, the Hornets have 17 games left on the schedule.)

So it’s a pretty big month for Eric Gordon. Given how precarious the team’s roster situation looks for 2012-13 and beyond (which we looked at before the trade deadline), and how important it is for Williams and GM Dell Demps to decide whether they think Gordon’s a legitimate building block moving forward, it’s a pretty big month for the Hornets, too. The real winners here, at long last, look to be Hornets fans — at least they’ll have something worth keeping an eye on.

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